 Lo and behold, I found a lump. This was not a big shock to me because I've had lumps before, but they always turned out to be cysts that disappeared on their own. That is what I thought I had found that morning. My GYN recommended having an ultrasound and following up with a surgeon in case it was malignant as opposed to a benign cyst. He thought it was probably nothing. The radiology center insisted that I also have a mammogram. I immediately broke down because I heard that mammograms can be quite painful, and I thought only older women needed mammograms. The test was slightly uncomfortable, but it did not hurt whatsoever. The radiologist saw microcalcifications in the mass; however, he felt they were probably nothing but recommended a biopsy. I saw a surgeon who agreed that it was probably nothing (see a trend?), but he insisted that I have an excisional biopsy. The location of the mass required me to have a surgical biopsy because it was close to my underarm, and its location would make it difficult to get a sample via needle. An excisional biopsy is a minor outpatient surgery. A portion of the mass was removed and tested.
My surgeon called on December 9th, 2008, to give me the results. I was diagnosed with Ductal Carcinoma In Situ, which means that the cancerous cells are in a breast duct that have yet to spread to any other breast tissue. So it was not "nothing" after all. I recorded everything the surgeon told me on that call. My husband watched me write scribbled notes only I could understand, and he stood there looking concerned as my face changed with each new piece of information. I was calm, cool, and collected. The surgeon told me several times that I should pat myself on the back because I found this lump, and this type of cancer usually does not show up in lump form, but rather much later during a typical mammogram around age 40. It usually becomes invasive cancer before women discover it. This would probably not have been found without the lump, and my doctor also believes the radiology center made a mistake requiring me to have a mammogram since it was not ordered by my GYN. Fortunately I did because the microcalcifications did not show up on the ultrasound. I felt shocked and relieved when I heard the diagnosis because I knew I was lucky to have found this, but what 31-year-old new mom ever thinks that she'll discover she has breast cancer? Not me.
I quickly lost my calm nature as soon as I hung up the phone and fell into my husband's arms. My mind raced as I cried. I thought, "Why me? I am healthy. I am young. I do not have a family history of breast cancer. What do I do now? How does one deal with this - one who has infant twins and no nanny!?!? Will I be okay? Will we get through this? Cut them off? Cut the "girls" off!? I immediately went into information seeking mode, searching for any and all information related to DCIS and young women with breast cancer.
I did exactly what my surgeon said to do; I made appointments with an oncologist, a radiation oncologist, and an imaging center for a breast MR. I immediately wanted a bilateral mastectomy, but that was purely a knee-jerk reaction. My cancer was not at a highly elevated stage, so I chose breast-preserving surgery. Between December and February I had multiple surgeries and tests. Another lump was found in my other breast, but luckily it turned out to be funky breast tissue from breastfeeding. As a result of one of the surgeries, I was told that the cancer had not spread anywhere else in my body. There were some ups and more downs, but we overcame the downs, and I finished my last radiation treatment two days ago on May 4th, 2009. I am cured, and I hope to never have a recurrence. I know now that I have to be vigilant and check myself. I am now 32, and I have told so many women about my diagnosis. I cannot emphasize the shock I have seen on their faces, but numerous friends and family members have started regular self-breast exams. Most of them were not in the habit of checking themselves. My diagnosis was their wake-up call, and for that, I am grateful.
Dealing with the physical and emotional ups and downs of raising infant twins can be a challenge. Coping with a breast cancer diagnosis, treatment, and recovery definitely added to my load, but we managed. I have the most amazing husband who did not miss one doctor's appointment. He is my rock. We have a wonderful family who was there for us whenever we needed an extra set of hands. The biggest thanks goes to my father who lives in North Carolina; he stayed with us for almost 2 months when I was having radiation treatments. He was there to watch Quinn and Keira every day and to help us around the house when I was fatigued. Keira and Quinn are nearly 1-year-old now, and I can say for certain that they helped me more than they'll ever know. Even during especially difficult days, their smiles, reaching arms, and squeals made me melt.
So, to answer my earlier question - I did get through this. My breast will never look or feel the same as it had before the surgeries, but that is okay. The cancer was found, treated, and cured. A little misshapen boobie never hurt anyone ;)
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